A Quick Post (More Later, I Promise)

I got a raise! I've definitely earned it. Look at me, being all responsible and shit.

"You may be crazy, but you're really good and I don't think we could find anyone else like you." -My Boss

PS: If the only way you know how to express passion is through sex then your life probably doesn't have much meaning. Just a thought.
  • Current Music
    Paganini: 24 Caprices - Itzhak Perlman

Confusion Setting In

The rain just came thundering down. It was quiet in my room and then suddenly it got very loud. Like the ocean. Wow, it sure knows how to rain here.

I told her I'm on the verge. "The verge of what?" she's supposed to ask. Oh, for fucks sake... Do I have to do everything myself?

I'm on the verge.

*My best Eva* "The verge of what?"

Ecstasy. Misery. Hey, it's a fine line.

Some fuckwad I know wished me a happy mothers day. Twice. What, just because I have a uterus that means I'll one day be a mother? That's the stupidest thing I've ever fucking heard. Note to self: Get a hysterectomy.

And why are people so blown away when I say that I never want to get married or have children? Like that's the point of life or something. How fucking primitive: "Urgh! Let's mate! Me have nice cave for you to live in!" To be fair, I am open to the very slight possibility that I might one day find someone worthy of marrying(and by worthy I mean someone patient/stubborn enough to keep loving me through all my moods), I'm just not set on it or anything.

I know the last two paragraphs seem bitchy and cynical, I just get so frustrated by people who are so damn conventional.

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If you have any questions I've got got some answers. They just might not be the answers to your questions. Sorry.
  • Current Music
    "Winter" - Antonio Vivaldi

The Recital

So, last night was my first violin recital. It was nice because it was a casual and supportive affair. I didn't ass everything up like I was afraid I would. Someone put a few bottles of wine on the snack table, which I thought was a splendid thing to do.

After the recital I accosted the pianist, demanding, ok, beseeching her to give me lessons. She looked surprised for a moment (I don't think she's used to Ed's violin students pouncing on her) but then really pleased when she saw how passionate I am about learning to play the piano (I can be a bit theatrical when excited).

All these lessons are getting expensive. Well, it's not like I have to eat every day, right? ;)

After all of that one of the other violinists suggested we go out to eat and he treated me to dinner at this lovely french restaurant.

I had such a wonderful time and I got to meet a lot of new people, so I'm really glad I made myself go.

That's all for now!
  • Current Music
    Air on a G string - Bach

The Recital of DOOM

It's happening. My first recital. I am not wetting myself. I will go to this recital. I am by far the best in my class and I WILL go and I WILL play. Who cares if people from his more advanced classes are there and they play more advanced music as if to taunt me and my beginner status. I'm not scared. Not at all.

Oh god, I'm going to be ill... Heh, I'm such a jittery fucker.

In an effort to calm myself, I'm going to post more Mina pictures. She was being disgustingly cute last night:

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I want to at least practice for an hour so I should go. I would practice for longer but this is a day just like any other day and I am not going to get myself freaked out. Not one bit.

EDIT: Ok, that was more like two hours, but I half learned a new song. Good times!
EDIT(again): Ok, now it's 2 and a half hours, but I completely learned a new song. I rock.
  • Current Music
    Waltz Op. 39, No.5 - Johannes Brahms
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Kamikazes Are My Friends

Any night that ends with people sleeping on my bed, the rug next to my bed, and the living room floor is a success as far as I'm concerned. And any hangover that ends with me eating prime rib and sweet potatoes isn't such a bad hangover, either.

Note to self:

Never play the violin while intoxicated unless your friends are so wasted as to actually be impressed by drunken, beginner violin playing. Such as was the case on Saturday night.

Good times.
  • Current Music
    Grande Valse brillante, op.18 - Chopin

Mina Wants Me to Give Up the Violin

Hello! Since I'm getting pretty serious about music from now on I'm going to tag all my music related posts and put them behind a cut because I'm very thoughtful and I don't want to bore people who aren't interested in my progress! I doubt anyone but Eva is really interested anyway.

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  • Current Music
    Song of the Wind, Me
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He sat next to me and I almost giggled like a school-girl

My violin was a piece of crap. I said so when I posted a picture of it. In any case, I was practicing and I heard a disturbing noise and guess what? Just guess.

It cracked. I've never abused the thing in any way, except for calling it a "bastard" on occasion, and it just started coming apart at the bottom.

I had planned on saving up and buying a nicer one next month but this changed things a bit. I have a lesson on Thursday so I needed to buy a new one right away. So, I called everyone I know begging for money and my sister Vanessa and madminx came through for me and sent me funds. Thank you Minxy! I'd be dead now if it wasn't for you! I shall name my violin "Minxy" in your honor! ;)

I ordered my new violin yesterday and it arrived today in good condition and I am so excited I can barely contain myself! Look!

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Work is good, I'm tired, and my violin kicks ass.

I just realized today that I still have pictures of me and my ex-boyfriend in my Livejournal photo album. Yikes! I completely forgot about that damn thing. Hopefully I'll have the energy to go fix all that soon. I also forgot about my website. I bought myself a domain name and everything and then I forgot about it.

I despise my cat. She says things like "Mah!" and she sniffs me with her cold, wet little nose every time she sees me.

Some sleep would be nice...

I'm still not in love, thank God. Not one bit in love. Not even a tiny bit. Heh...
  • Current Music
    Polonaise in A flat major, op.53 - Frederic Chopin
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A Goodbye of Sorts

There I was, trying to describe wind
and the sensation of falling to a fish.
What do they know, anyway?
Then again, what do I know about rip tides?
We fail each other.
I am truly on my own here
and fingers that should curl 'round my arm
and hoist me up
push at me or merely draw back and hover.
They cannot fathom my mind
or my intentions.
I will claw my way to the finish line,
there is no doubt about that,
but it will HURT
and I will shiver a little with each kick
and cruel word that fate deals me.
You see, I am truly all alone here
and I have decided:
I will cease to be a prisoner
if only by ceasing to acknowledge the cage.
I will be alone because I choose to be,
I will be broke because I spend irresponsibly,
I will be restless because I accept nothing,
and I will cry because I just feel like it.
And though I'm sorry to leave you in my dust
I am not sorry to spare you
20 kinds of discontent.
I fail you.
  • Current Music
    Symphony No.7, Beethoven